Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
