I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
