And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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