i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
