Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
