I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
