I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Floor bacon is actually really good
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
