before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
