I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
