this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
