It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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