I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
