he shaved USA in his pubs
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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