i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
