very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
