i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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