I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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