My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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