Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
