You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
