i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
