Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
