Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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