I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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