that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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