She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
