Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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