Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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