she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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