I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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