I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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