I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
