roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
