I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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