i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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