Just fell off a train. Bad.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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