Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
