I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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