apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
