I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
