I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
