I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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