i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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