you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
