Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
