In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
