we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
