dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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