why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
