The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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