you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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