No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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