I think I died a long time ago.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
