she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
