matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
