i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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