Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
