i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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