Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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