Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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