So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
