he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
