good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We named our party play list daddy issues
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
