I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
