I hate all girls vehemently.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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