My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
