Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize