OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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