also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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