what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize