planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
