just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
