White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
